Rough

The timing of these last two posts is impeccable. It took me a while to finish writing the last post, and so these two are being published at the same time.

If asked a week ago, I would've sworn that I had moved on. I thought I wasn't affected, and that all I wanted was to be friends. And yet I realize now that I still like him, that I would still love for him to look me in the eyes and tell me he feels it too. But he won't. I just can't seem to bury my feelings for him deep enough.

On a different note, perhaps a slightly more depressing one, Dylan found himself a new girlfriend. The same girl he went to the movies with two days after we broke up. I'm not sure if it bothers me yet, I just wish he'd had the decency to wait a little longer, perhaps a month, before he started dating again. Not started dating two days after, and have a girlfriend two months after. But it's not so much the fact that after a long day I was ambushed by a large declaration online. It reminded me of people's need to make everything public, and display their lives in front of everybody. I have to admit that I'm guilty of this too, the day he said no, I posted the fact that I'm moving to Belgium online. Maybe because I wanted my friends from Venezuela to know without individually telling them, maybe because I had to prove to myself that I was leaving, so I didn't need him to like me back. I'm starting to think that I posted it, because I wanted to place a barrier in between me and my feelings, convince myself I didn't like him and couldn't, because I was leaving.

But,  his comment on the online acclamation hurt. I was hurt by his jump for joy at Dylan's new relationship. His comment essentially destroyed the barrier I had built up. I was flooded with emotions. He told me that he couldn't go on a date with me because it had only been a couple of months since our break up, and they happen to be very close friends. But he knows Dylan moved on the second we ended. So what is the issue? Dylan already has another girlfriend, which means that he is just using Dylan as an excuse. Which means he's skirting again. Which makes me question why he doesn't just tell me that he's just not that into me.