He Changed His Mind

He changed his mind. I figured something was up when he didn't answer any of my text messages that same weekend. It wasn't until I brought it up in math (through writing, because I'm terrible at having serious conversations without making it awkward) that he stated to me that he was sorry for the misunderstanding between us and that it was too early since my break up with Dylan. It hit me that it has only been roughly two months since we broke up, and yet it's feels like it's been at least a year because of the way he's cut me out of his life.

The prompt rejection, surprisingly, has not affected me as much as I thought it would. Though I was hurt at first (it felt like a slap in the face), I had nothing to cry about, or over and later, I was surprisingly fine. The idea of having a relationship is, for me, currently nonexistent. I don't know why, but when he said we could be friends, it was all I needed to hear. Sure, it wasn't nearly as sweet as a 'yes' would've been, but it was good enough for me. And maybe it was because at this point I'm happy that at least one of the groupies is still talking to me. Or maybe I didn't like him as much as I thought I did. I was more affected by the fact that I wish he had said no in the first place, it would've hurt less. But what is a girl to do, right? I'm happy to have my friend still.

And yet, I heard from a little bird that he was talking to Dylan's brother and friend that same week, so maybe that's what changed his mind. It would make the world of sense if that was true. But the point is that he changed his mind, and that he doesn't see me as anything more than a friend. So I asked  him if he wanted to watch a movie as friends, like I've done a hundred times with my guyfriends back home, and he said yes. But now, apparently, he doesn't think that I can hang out only as friends, that I'll take it to mean something more. I can, I know I can. I just wish he'd give me the chance to prove him wrong. I hate it that he changed his mind in that respect again. Why can't the boy make up his mind? He thinks he won't hurt me if he skirts around the truth, but saying yes isn't a caring way to say no. I just wish, more than anything, more than him saying yes, that he'd tell me the truth. Why does he say yes to my face and no behind my back? It's worse than saying no altogether.