Final Exams and Thoughts of Love

As final exams approach, the last thing I can bring myself to do is open my books and study. I am obviously not going to risk my chances at earning an A en AP English for the semester, but it's hard to end this horrid procrastination cycle I'm stuck in.

Instead, I'm sitting around watching One Tree Hill. Is it a bad thing that I watch the millions of problems the characters have because it makes me feel better about mine? As final exams approach, studying is the last thing on my mind. Instead, I am thinking nine days in advance to Christmas Eve, and New Year's Eve, and the school dance in February, two days before my birthday. And how much I'm dying for him to turn around and tell me he was wrong to say no. Though it sounds cliche, all I want for Christmas is him. I thought I was over him, but the last two days have made me think of him more and more. A girl from school invited me to her New Years Eve party and claimed she could set us up. Though I won't be in town during break, I still doubt that it could ever happen between us anyways.

And Dylan got himself a new girlfriend. It doesn't sadden me that he did, I'm glad he's completely moved on, I just wish that he would talk to me again. He still doesn't acknowledge me, and I have no idea why. I've decided to confront him. But I've turned it into a game, and maybe it's just a coping method for my loss of a friend. I texted him the other day, and I noticed he read it, but he still didn't reply. I wish he'd stop acting like a child. And I don't understand why he doesn't talk to me now that he has another girlfriend. I've been trying, it's not like I haven't tried hard enough but I guess he's the type of guy that just doesn't care about anyone but himself. In that case, I really, really, really wish his new girlfriend luck. I don't know her, but I hope he actually tries hard with her, and tries to see her every weekend like a boyfriend should. I hope that through tough times he'll hold her and make her feel better. If not, he'll just be another jerk who doesn't deserve her.

My friend Lucas has also been going through the same thing, in which the girl he asked out isn't looking for a relationship. And I want to make him feel better, to tell him that everything works out, but I'm in the same situation and I know love doesn't always work. Especially if you're leaving in six months.