Liking Someone New

It's difficult, picking up the pieces and starting over. After my last relationship deteriorated, I would have expected a long wait before falling again, a long wait before feeling curious, cautious, and giddy. Despite the fact that my seven month relationship with Dylan ended mutually, I kind of believed that I wouldn't move on for quite a bit. It wasn't until I fell again that I realized I had moved on months before it had ended, months before we had officially called it off. But the tragic thing is that the romantic roller-coaster isn't over for me... not yet at least. 

I promise it's a good thing. I'm happy to like someone again. Some days I feel like I'm still in middle school, running away from the boy I like, laughing and blushing when people poke fun at me, and it makes me both happy and nostalgic simultaneously. Every time he laughs, I feel compelled to laugh alongside him. And when he looks at me, I melt. Because when he looks at me, I imagine him looking at me like I look at him and I see possibilities. I see us being together and it fits. We debate over stupidities, and when I make him laugh I see a glint of hope in his eyes... maybe it's just a reflection of the hope in mine. But when he laughs at something I said... it makes me feel important, needed, cared for... and that's something that doesn't happen too often. He helps me when I don't understand math, and as he writes on my paper and solves the problem, it takes all of my energy to will myself not to look up into his brown eyes, or I'll lose focus. 

I just love it, I love all of it. Not knowing whether he likes me back, not knowing if he looks at me the same way, pretending that he is clueless and liking him from a distance. It's exhilarating. It's changed me... I haven't watched this many romantic comedies in years, and after everyone it makes me feel giddy and sad again. I just.. I want to be the girl who ends up with the guy in the end. I want to have my happy ending, I mean who doesn't? And every time that I see a glimmer of hope that he might like me back, the back of my mind says he doesn't and that he never will. And yet, I still hope. The question now is do I tell him, or not?