How time flies. Seriously though. It feels like only yesterday I was entering a new school for the fifth time, or so, in my life, and now I am almost entirely integrated. Whereas before I was stressing over college apps, today I am procrastinating studying for my December exams that continue tomorrow. I still have applications to complete, but they are not due for three more weeks, so I will spend all of next week completing them before travelling to Mexico for Christmas to spend time with my extended family. I have to admit that I do miss the white winters of the U.S. as here in Belgium the days are rainy, drizzly and in general dark and cloudy. But I like the social environment here: I have friends all over the place and am in plenty of after-school activities. I have even been asked a couple of times how I manage it! I guess not being part of the IB helps, not that it was my choice anyways...
I have made a couple of great friends though and now it seems silly that I ever doubted I would, perhaps moving does that to people.. Particularly those who struggled the last two years (aka me). And I've been asked if I like anybody too! I honestly have no idea how to answer that question.. Do I find some boys attractive? Yes. No doubt about that! But I feel everyone has their back story and 'It's Complicated' relationships that I can't assimilate into the crowd. Do I know anyone enough to like them, though? I don't know. And it may seem like I'm merely avoiding the question altogether, but I honestly have no clue. I guess I'm just being cautious, especially after what happened last year with a certain someone who didn't like me back. No need to repeat the past, especially if I'm a Senior who is about to go on to college in the U.S., right? I don't know that either. Am I losing opportunities by holding back? I know my father's answer to that question: no. He even told me to not lose my head during my last year as I wouldn't want to lose the few friends I've managed to make. But why not? There's another question I can't answer. Plus, a friend mentioned that a couple of boys find me to be 'cool', whether this means they might like me, I don't know either! Too many unanswered questions that do nothing to soothe my curiosity. But it would be nice to know if there was someone out there who loved me.
Speaking of love, my little sister told me the other day that Alex told her he liked me when he visited over the summer! She's six, so what does she know, right? Probably more than society gives her credit. He was my first kiss, and they do say that you never forget your first, but how silly would it be if in a distant future, after college, we somehow found each other?! All speculation, I know, but it seems too good to be true, too good to ignore, as ironic as that sounds.
Anyways, Christmas is right around the corner! 'Tis the season to be merry. And then it's 2015: graduation year, and then AP Exams and College acceptances/rejections... and then graduation! It's all happening so fast and I can't control it. My last year of high school is already half over, according to some, 2014 was my hardest academic year in high school, and it's already coming to a close! It's all very thrilling, and terrifying at the same time. I guess we'll have to wait and see how it all unfolds.
No comments:
Post a Comment